Merry Holidays

Fox News may have a point with its "War on Christmas" meme. It's hard to explain a paragraph I saw while ordering a gift for my girlfriend through Amazon:

Jesse Ruderman, some of your items will arrive after December 24, 2005. If you haven't already selected faster shipping options, doing so might help get your items there in time for the holidays.

Fox is missing the big picture, though. The use of the phrase "the holidays" instead of the word "Christmas" is the least of the threats against Christmas. Some of the larger threats:

  • Christmas muzac. Every Christmas song has been made into a hundred boring versions, which department stores, supermarkets, and airports play exclusively for about a month leading up to Christmas Day.
  • Hanukkah Bushes disguised as Christmas trees. (The giveaway is usually the Star of David at the top.)
  • In Switzerland, kids can no longer sit on Santa's lap at the mall due to fears of pedophilia.
  • Consumerist gift-giving distracts us from other aspects of Christmas and may be an overall deadweight loss.
  • Many parents tell their kids that Santa is real, causing all kinds of problems when they find out he isn't.
  • One can no longer wish people "Happy Holidays", "Season's Greetings", or "Merry Christmas" without offending someone and taking a side in a pointless acrimonious debate.

7 Responses to “Merry Holidays”

  1. Tsee Says:

    Thank you for caring about this vital debate. I’ve to disagree with you about that particular, “pointless acrimonious debate” though. When someone mentions the Nazis, you know it’s not a pointless one.

  2. Caleb Says:

    Santa isn’t real ???


  3. Santa Claus Says:

    Not real, eh? Guess I get to skip one more chimney this year.

    Ho Ho Ho!

  4. Greg K. Says:

    Naw, Fox News doesn’t get anything right. This is an issue that Bill O’Reilly believes in, for cryin’ out loud. Whenever that loudmouth pipsqueak and Fox News both endorse something, you run as fast as you can the other direction.

  5. falconer Says:

    Why are those itching to fight a war to save Christmas often so keen on promulgating pseudo-scepticism or a do-nothing mentality on global warming?
    Less ice and snow and cold will definitely make it less Christmassy.

    It’s often the same people, self-appointed to fight for the cause of Christmas, that also want to crater the world with mines and burn the extracted coal. Are these same people going to put their money where their mouths are, and give everyone on their gift lists lumps of coal for Christmas? I doubt it, and I think that makes them hypocrites.

  6. Robin Munn Says:

    Looking at the last two comments as I write this, I’ve got to admit — you’re right on with the “pointless acrimonious debate” comment.

  7. David Cohen Says:

    The wording isn’t that hard to explain: This year, Chanukah starts on the evening of December 25. So Sunday really is the start of “the holidays” this year.