Top 14 reasons to invade Switzerland

Keepers of Lists rejected this list I wrote, so I'm posting it here (without yay/nay voting, unfortunately).

  1. They're not with us, so they must be against us.
  2. Once we control Geneva, we can modify the Geneva Convention.
  3. When was the last time Switzerland won a war?
  4. To see how long they remain neutral.
  5. They refuse to refund us for the holes in their cheese.
  6. Zurich and Geneva recognize gay marriage.
  7. Four percent of Switzerland is muslim.
  8. To freeze (and take) ill-gotten funds in Swiss bank accounts.
  9. Their army keeps supplying small knives to terrorists.
  10. To send a message to all the other "neutral" countries.
  11. They would never expect it.
  12. Easiest way to go to war with the entire rest of the world.
  13. Retaliation for tricking us into signing the Geneva Convention after WWI.
  14. To sieze control of lucrative domain names such as and

33 Responses to “Top 14 reasons to invade Switzerland”

  1. kareem Says:


  2. Tom Says:

    I’m pretty sure it’s satire, retard.

  3. Grey Hodge Says:

    Switzerland – The other white race!

  4. ant Says:


    Some people take the internet far too seriously.

  5. David Says:

    That’s probably why it got rejected from KoL, too. Underhanded sarcasm is difficult for the average netizen of today (omg lolz aol pwsn u) to recognize.

  6. Birdman Says:

    I think you might be on to something.

    “All I know is my gut says maybe.”

  7. Tom Says:

    You gotta love the trolls though, makes surfing the web like a day at the zoo…

  8. Caleb Says:

    Haha, those are good ones Jesse!

  9. Olive Says:

    I’m down for whatever as long as it involves cheese.

  10. ADAXL Says:

    16,2% of them use Firefox.

  11. Talou Says:

    Mouhahahahaha good irony ! For sure those reasons can convince dubya :o)

  12. Rishi Says:

    Reasons? Dubya needs *reasons* to invade someone? ;)

  13. Neil T. Says:

    Pity that got rejected – it’s better than some of the lists that have been up there recently.

  14. yuppi Says:

    I live there. Switzerland is very pround of that their value is from the people minds not the land, so if you invade it you usualy only get the land, not the minds.
    Yes, Long live gay marriges!= freedom.

  15. pilzz Says:

    clearly a hunter weapon!

  16. yuppi Says:

    Sorry, forgot to tell you. Your HTML editor doesn’t work in Opera 8, don’t know for the other versions.

  17. Jen Says:

    Hehe, I love this not so soft touch of sarcasm :) if someone likes to invade us, I know some good restaurants. Greetings from the not yet invaded Switzerland, Jen

  18. defiant Says:

    Auf rotem Grund ein weisses Kreuz, wir lieben dich du schöne Schweiz!

  19. Paule Says:

    Wie sieht die Schweizer Kriegsfahne aus?
    Weißes Kreuz auf weißem Grund!

  20. stfu ihr naps ^^ Says:

    Trittst im Morgenrot daher,
    Seh’ ich dich im Strahlenmeer,
    Dich, du Hocherhabener, Herrlicher!
    Wenn der Alpenfirn sich rötet,
    Betet, freie Schweizer, betet!
    Eure fromme Seele
    Eure fromme Seele ahnt
    Gott im hehren Vaterland,
    Gott, den Herrn, im hehren Vaterland.

    Kommst im Abendglühn daher,
    Find’ ich dich im Sternenheer,
    Dich, du Menschenfreundlicher, Liebender!
    In des Himmels lichten Räumen
    Kann ich froh und selig träumen!
    Denn die fromme Seele ahnt
    Gott im hehren Vaterland,
    Gott, den Herrn, im hehren Vaterland.

    Ziehst im Nebelflor daher,
    Such’ ich dich im Sternenmeer,
    Dich, du Unergründlicher, Ewiger!
    Aus dem grauen Luftgebilde
    Tritt die Sonne klar und milde,
    Und die fromme Seele ahnt
    Gott im hehren Vaterland,
    Gott, den Herrn, im hehren Vaterland

    Fährst im wilden Sturm daher,
    Bist du selbst uns Hort und Wehr,
    Du, allmächtig Waltender, Rettender!
    In Gewitternacht und Grauen
    Lasst uns kindlich ihm vertrauen!
    Ja, die fromme Seele ahnt,
    Gott im hehren Vaterland,
    Gott, den Herrn, im hehren Vaterland.


  21. Johan Says:


    for those of us who does some programming “Yes, Long live gay marriges!= freedom” can easily be missinterpreted, as != often is used for “not equals”…

  22. kiter Says:

    When you invade switzerland where shall I store my money???

  23. yuppi Says:

    Oh yes, I wasn’t looking as my phrase from that point of view, sorry.
    There’s no rewind button, is there?

  24. Hussam Al-Tayeb Says:

    7. Four percent of Switzerland is muslim.
    That’s stupid and racist. Grow UP.

  25. brutalnaivety Says:

    To: Hussam Al-Tayeb,
    Stupid and racist? Muslim is a religion. What race then would he be offending? Obviously you missed the point of reason #7.

    You grow up.

    – Bryan

  26. brutalnaivety Says:

    I won’t lie. I stole this list and used it on my blog. I thought it was funny and had to share it.

  27. o01i Says:

    Hussam Al-Tayeb just got BURNNNED!!!


  28. kamerad Says:

    seriously what is the meaning of #7?

  29. Tom Says:

    The meaning of #7 is a dubya joke I believe, saying that to some americans, all muslims must be connected to terrorism. Or at least a percentage. So therefore, a percentage of the 4% must be terrorists.

    Right? Who knows. I hate keepers of lists, they’re not funny.

  30. kamerad Says:, hussam you get it don’t you?

  31. Pontus Says:

    hehe, funny list. Took me almost 20 minutes to find this site again for a re-visit… :)

  32. beer Says:

    omg pilzz is right

    IT’S A HUNTER ITEM !!!!!1111twelve

  33. Blogg Says:

    Topp 14 anledningar för USA att invadera Schweiz

    Hittade en humoristisk lista på Jesse Rudermans blog; “Top 14 reasons to invade Switzerland” där han listar anledningar för att USA skulle invadera Schweiz. Här kommer en översättning:

    1. Är de inte med…