I submitted these lists to keepersoflists.org in January 2005.
Some are entirely original, while others are mostly plagiarized.


Top 31 Signs You've Played Too Many Console RPGs:

1	You worry that someone else will save the world, making your life for naught.
2	Your goal in life is to save the world.
3	During your morning commute, you look forward to learning the Return spell.
4	You are suspicious when offered a free hotel stay.
5	You estimate that you're a third of the way through your life.
6	You know there must be a way to the secret 13th floor of your building.
7	You believe every rumor you hear.
8	You talk to everyone on the Martha's Vineyard ferry in order to arrive faster.
9	When strangers ask you for favors, you always comply.
10	Every time you walk past a mailbox, you have an irresistible urge to open it.
11	You talk to cats.
12	You always wear the same outfit, regardless of temperature.
13	When told that a place is dangerous, you go straight there.
14	When your wife asks "am I fat?", you first answer Yes to see her reaction.
15	Your excuse for lack of homework: random encounter with fire-using monster.
16	You don't "work out" at the gym. You "level up".
17	You feel like you can talk to everyone except your best friends.
18	To avoid dealing with your family, you equip "No Encounters".
19	You only keep one book on each bookshelf.
20	When you move to a new city, you go into every store in the mall.
21	You walk into Famous Footwear and ask for Sprint Shoes.
22	After 9/11, you donated a Phoenix Down to the Red Cross.
23	You go to church weekly in order to be saved.
24	You drive carefully because you haven't saved in several hours.
25	You often change your mind when asked yes-or-no questions.
26	Your ideal girlfriend is cute, smart, and knows healing spells.
27	You forget to exchange currencies when traveling.
28	Your ideal girlfriend is the last survivor of an ancient race.
29	Instead of stepping over your dog, you go all the way around the table.
30	Your ideal boyfriend has crazy hair and wields an oversized sword.
31	You advise your parents to move from your hometown, in case it gets destroyed.


Top 16 Reasons To Invade Switzerland:

1	Zurich and Geneva recognize gay marriage.
2	They're not with us, so they must be against us.
3	An easy victory - how butch is an army that has a wine opener on their knife?
4	To freeze (and take) ill-gotten funds in Swiss bank accounts.
5	When was the last time Switzerland won a war?
6	To see how long they remain neutral.
7	Four percent of Switzerland is muslim.
8	Their army keeps supplying small knives to terrorists.
9	To send a message to all the other "neutral" contries.
10	They refuse to refund us for the holes in their cheese.
11	Holes in Swiss Cheese can hide bombs or poison.
12	They would never expect it.
13	Easiest way to go to war with the entire rest of the world.
14	Send a message to the muslim world: we don't have a grudge against you.
15	Once we control Geneva, we can modify the Geneva Convention.
16	Retaliation for tricking us into signing the Geneva Convention after WWI.


Top 10 Signs Your Car Is Mad At You:

1	Acts like you've cheated after you drive a friend's car.
2	Won't start; claims it has a transmission-ache.
3	Accuses you of finding Japanese cars more attractive.
4	Tells your girlfriend how many others have been in the back seat with you.
5	It cuts it own brakes.
6	Ejects you, James Bond-style, onto the freeway.
7	Loses traction at the mere suggestion of ice on the road.
8	Changes the radio to country music.
9	Joins your children to whine "are we there yet?"
10	Secretely changes its crumple zone from its engine to the driver's seat.


Top 24 Signs You've Played Too Many Games Of Magic:

1	Someone says "tapwater" and you reach for a Circle of Protection: Blue.
2	Your son's first word is "cut?"
3	You wonder what kind of mana you'd get if you tapped your house.
4	You summoned a date for Saturday.
5	You refer to a baby tree as a Saproling.
6	Game stores revere you and give you discounts.
7	You are at the world's longest red light and are wishing for a Lifelace.
8	You propose to your girlfriend using an Aladdin's Ring.
9	You tap chess pieces.
10	Yu-Gi-Oh players call you a geek.
11	You tap your girlfriend to activate her "special abilities."
12	You drink Coors just to tap the Rockies.
13	You can no longer afford your crack habit.
14	You refer to females as "common," "uncommon," and "rare."
15	Black Lotuses grow in your garden.
16	You wonder how much red mana you'd get tapping Mount Everest.
17	You try to feed your little brother to the Lord of the Pit.
18	The IRS asks you to note the income you made by selling cards.
19	You clean your room by casting Hurkyl's Recall.
20	You ask for a mulligan in poker.
21	You've tried to Magical Hack Forrest Gump to Plains Gump.
22	You wish you had a Circle of Protection: Stupid
23	A friend hurts himself, says "erg," and you shout "Raiders!"
24	You ask the realtor what kind of mana the yard can produce.


Top 21 New Units Of Measurement:

1	Libraries of Congress
2	Smoot
3	whod unit, unit of suspense in a mystery novel
4	OL, unit of funniness. from "LOLOLOL".
5	paradigm, unit of money equal to 20 cents
6	Bag, unit of ugliness. from "2-bagger".
7	decacards, 10 cards
8	Bling, unit of shininess.
9	paradise, 2 dice
10	c, unit of speed. "But officer, I was only doing 0.0000001c!"
11	paradox, unit of medical expertise
12	Brown, unit of power equal to 1.21 gigawatts
13	bananosecond, time between slipping on a peel and smacking the pavement
14	kilomarine, volume of oil gained through the death a thousand US soldiers
15	lite year, 365 bottles of beer
16	tokyo, unit of screen space approximately equal to a pixel. from "Megatokyo".
17	semicolon, half of a large intestine
18	nanosoft, a unit of evil. from "Microsoft".
19	IV league, length of intravenous surgical tubing in the average hospital
20	Milli-Helen, unit of beauty required to launch one ship
21	Furlongs per fortnight